It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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