my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
