I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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