i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
