I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
