Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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