Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
