If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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