We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize