My friends, they love my intelligence
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
