Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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