and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I need a beard to bite.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
