We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
only if we run a train.
done.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
