she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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