Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
