I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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