my shit smells like andre
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
