my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
