I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
