At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
