I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.