I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.