just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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