We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
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I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
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well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.