Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.