When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
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I feel like death gave me a hand job
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae