i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
