I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
