Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
