so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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