I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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