please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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