I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize