A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
