It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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