Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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