i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
