im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize