I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
