So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
