remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
