I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
