the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
