Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
