Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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