I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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