I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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