I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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