i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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