Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
