I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
