dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
