got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You took a bar mat shot.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
