Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
