She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
please don't ironically join a cult
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