hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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