Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
