even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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