Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
