Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
