Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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