Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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