youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
