The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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